The Truth of Who I Am
This week I conducted an experiment of sorts on myself. I asked all eight members of my family to describe me in three words, just to see what would happen. I was ready for the good and the bad, but was honestly surprised by the answers I got back. With the exception of my oldest brother they all answered the question with thoughtful consideration (his words for me were fun-size-ed).
Every person used different words. None of them repeated. Well, actually, they did once. Two siblings called me out as being inherently stubborn. I’ll give them that one.
But other words were things like:
Courageous, observer, loyal, good listener, zealous, adventurous, servant, capable, organized, kindhearted, writer, teacher, impressive, tender-warrior, purposeful, passionate, amazing.
These are the people who have known me the longest. If anyone truly knows me and my character, it should be them. If this is what the people who know me best say about me, it must be true, right?
But what if I told you that more often than not I feel completely inadequate?
That the confidence I try to portray actually masks a lot of insecurities?
What if I told you I doubt my abilities almost every day?
That I can be extremely selfish and self-centered?
What if I told you that you completely intimidate me?
That I struggle with feeling overlooked and invisible?
What if I told you that I can be an incredibly impatient person?
That my heart isn’t always completely invested in helping others?
What if I told you that this is not at all where I thought I’d be at this point in my life?
That saying yes to going on the race and now Guatemala is the scariest thing I’ve ever done?
What if I told you I feel neither courageous nor brave?
That I often doubt my effect on anything?
I’m being real here. One of my love languages is words of affirmation. I need to hear truth, and hear it often. Because honestly, I have a hard time believing it and need to be reminded.
Fortunately there is someone who knows me better than even I know myself. And He loves to remind me who I am.
He says that I am:
Redeemed. Accepted. Forgiven. Adopted. Secure. Significant. A saint. Assured. Seen. Anointed. Healed. Free.
He is also a patient and gentle Father who doesn’t tire of giving me hints of His love and admiration for who I am becoming. Praise Jesus.
“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:37-39
